So, apparently when I last posted about waiting, I was also talking about waiting for my next post. Honestly, I’m going to try to update more then once every 11 months. There are other infertility blogs out there that help me daily, and I would like to join them offering support to the infertility community.

It’s been 11 months since I last wrote, and (SURPRISE) I’m still not pregnant. However, we have been taking a break from infertility treatments for a bit in the last year, so that’s not something completely unexpected. Not doing infertility treatments definitely adds guilt to my life, however. Its so nice not to have to constantly take medications, give myself shots, or have my lady parts be Grand Central Station. However, if I want a child as bad as I say I do, shouldn’t I do whatever, whenever, however to conceive a child?

Infertility has become a part of my daily life. While my friends, co-workers, and family members come home from work to children, homework, bath time- I don’t. My husband and I went to our friends’ daughter’s 1st birthday party over the weekend. We were one of two childless couples there. As I watched the other children and parents there, I wondered if I would ever be a mom taking her child to a birthday party. Will I ever be able to throw a 1st birthday party for my own child? Will I ever be okay with possibly living the rest of my life childless?

Infertility has a way of hitting you in the gut right when you think you are okay. Just when I look at my life and think that I’ll be fine without children, I go somewhere and it hits me like a ton of bricks. And then I wonder, “Am I really okay with that?” Or am I fooling myself into thinking I’m okay with something I can’t control? Maybe the real answer should be that I should be okay with what I can’t control, BECAUSE I can’t control it.

On a happier note, next month I’ll be walking in RESOLVE’s Walk of Hope in Washington, DC on October 14th. Last year was my first year walking, and it was really awesome seeing everyone at the Walk supporting those with infertility. If you would like to donate towards my Walk, or join my team, here’s the linkage: My Walk Of Hope Page!

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